Did you know that i cant spell?
And that cats have fur?
And that Kiwis are a flightless Bird?
 And that last week on a trip to Christchurch, NZ, Mitchell Robert Haworth got so drunk, 8 hours of his life now belong to the cosmos… So Drunk indeed that he woke at 5.30 in the morning, lying on a stretch of grass right next to a highway, not knowing where he had been or done, all he knew was.. he was sure there wasnt a used condom up his arse when he left, and he was sure he was wearing pants…… (Just kidding about the Condom) (and the Pants) but what i am not kidding about is the fact that i cannot remember… (Whoops, did i say I? i meant he) he cannot remember a god damn thing when he left for the pub that night.. Not a god Damn thing! AHHHHHHHHH
Well Folks, this is not the first time something like this has happened. I know for a fact that some of you folks have been unlucky enough to meet a certain person by the name of Joe Jackson, also called Joe Jaemison… I Know Tre Paul has. He is not a very nice person. The kind of person who would steal a Homeless Black persons hat, and then just laugh when that homeless black person would try to fight him for it back. The kind of Guy who would pick a fight with a Police officer, at the Police officers house, and the kind of Guy who now… Pulls complete strangers off their chairs by their heads, and Trys to get down the Hen at a Hens nights pants by yelling at the top of his voice “IM GONNA GET SOME PUSSY TONIGHT!”
U May be thinking… How does a man like this not get the absolute shit kicked out of him… Well, that my freinds, i do not know. It hasent happend yet, but it can only be a matter of time before all hell breaks lose.
You may ask, who is this Joe? Is he a Bird? is he a plane?
The answers to these questions is quite simple… Joe is me, My alter Ego, who when i get pissed enough is ready to do anything that i am not. Joe is Mitchell Robert Haworth, and the other night, he was unstoppable…..
This has been Chewing the Cud, With Gypsy
God damn fucking kiwis pissing it up beyond control. Im sure thats what fucked up NZ in the first place.
Fuck im at work, waiting for some stupid tour group to come and hire skis and sipping on a, believe it or not, fosters beer, after two shots of jaeger and a shot of stroh 80…shudder….im feeling great! Im not even bother talking nice to the customers….im just going to rubbish the stupid pommes to the ground.
PS…thanks for the email mitch…ill find time soon to write a proper one back….
Hey No Worries man, I tell you what though, there is alot more thats wrong with NZ than just the drinking. Boagans, Skinheads and Maoris! oh my god, get me out of this place. Because of this comment, one of my eyes might be a shade darker by the time i come back, possibly both if im lucky.
Fucking KIWIS!!
Great story man,
Unfortunately i can relate. I remember waking up about 3 in the morn, passed out on a roundabout right in front of a policestation, where the cops politely woke me up and said what the fuck was i doing there. To this i could only respond with the truth, which was ‘where the hell am I ?’
Let that be a lesson to anyone involved in Friday after work drinks. I’ll have to tell your the whole story some time you’ll love it, its quite an epic. Reminds me of the time we strolled through THE WASTELANDS OF CROYDON !
Oh yeah i better get back to work.
Piss on.
mitch, you are a crazy, crazy man and that’s why we love you. but, if you leave JJ in NZ you’ll do us all a favour.
by the way, did anyone see that stupid american snowboarder try to do a trick on the last jump of the course cause she was miles ahead, only to fuck the landing and watch second place sail past her to grab the gold? fucking idiot! funniest thing i’ve ever seen, and will forever be known as doing a ‘bradberry’